i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
