I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
