I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
