I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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