1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
