I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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