Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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