FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
