You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Randomize