Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
