Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
