dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
