I wanna bring you to show and tell
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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