It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
