i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
only you would photoshop your dick
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
