I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
