I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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