I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
