WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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