Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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