i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
