I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
