I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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