Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
