As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
