I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
