Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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