There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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