i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
