btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
