he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize