If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
