That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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