So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
