That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
