i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
