I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
