I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
