It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
