he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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