Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
