Having a random hookup so left but love u
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize