this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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