If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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