you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
