I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
home. puking in laundry basket.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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