Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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