chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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