Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
