i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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