She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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