He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
