I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
