I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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