hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
