i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
