1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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