How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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