He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
