Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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