He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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