I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
