Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
