Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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