I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
