I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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