Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
