Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
