I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
