I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
