I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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