u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
