Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
