im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
