had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize