I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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