Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
