return my video game
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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