There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
