i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
