you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
