Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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